


Grey

by dururu



Category: Super Junior
Genre: 83line, Changing the past, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2020-08-19 04:31:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dururu/pseuds/dururu
Summary: Heechul receives a mysterious letter claiming to be from himself 5 years in the future. The letter reveals all of his regrets and the events that will occur after he received it, and all eventually links to Leeteuk. Can he change the future?Inspired by Orange manga by Takano Ichigo.





	1. Letter from the Future

_Dear _ _Heechul-ie.._

_Dear myself, 5 years ago._

_I may be _ _really drunk for doing this thing, haha,I can’t believe I’m doing this for real.. but I hope this letter reach you._

_My _ _37 years old self, I believe that you are living happily at that time. You are _ _still not that old,_ _ you went here and there, yetI know you feel frustated and lonely by the attention you have. _ _Ahh! I miss my old self so much! _

_But.._

_You know.._

_The me now.. _

_I am now living with every regret that I have. I may never heal from it._ _._

_Please, do not be like me._

_I still remember it clearly, when it all began. You know I have a good memory, right, my younger self_ _? I still got it at this age, hurrah._

_At this date, 10 October 2020, tonight you will have a dinner party with the members. You will sit with Donghae after Hyukjae gave you his seat. _ _Jungsoo will come from the corner and ask a favor from you and you will feel irritated because of that. You might be very tired because you just come from filming_ _ for 24 hours straight, but please, this one thing I beg you,_

_Please agree and do what he asked you. Just do it no matter what. _

_Please do not say bad things to him, because tonight is the start of everything that I have ever regret on, the one thing I wished I could change.._

_J_ _ungsoo will leave alone after smiling and apologize to you._ _ Even though I promised to be by his side.. _ _I didn’t mean to say that at all, you know that _ _even though I’m smart, I tend to blabber anything without thinking the consenque_ _nces right? And that is what I really regret._

_I wish I was always there for him._

_I know you love J_ _ungsoo._

_I still do._

_Please, somehow, save him._

.

.

.

Heechul furrowed his eyebrow reading a scrap of letter he just found on his jacket. He didn’t know how and when the paper ended up on his pocket like that, maybe it’s a prank from a staff from his previous shooting? Or from a fans when he walked through all of the crowd to the car?

And what’s with the things written there?

My self five years ago? Does that mean this is from me five years again? Nah, too science fiction. Heechul loves scinces fiction movies, but he doesn’t really believes in them in real life.

Well, the writing.. though messy.. and wet in some parts.. is kinda similiar with his handwritings.. but maybe someone duplicate it? Nah, never will believe this. Maybe this is some kind of a new chain mail.

And the part when it says he loves Jungsoo?

Heechul scoffed. He may has a very close relationship with the older, they understand each other, but he never thought of loving him more than a close friend. Especially how they’re really different and awkward with each other. He really respect and care for Jungsoo, though, but nahhh… It couldn’t be, right?

But now that he think about it, tonight they’re going to hold a small dinner party to celebrate Siwon’s new drama.. Actually they rarely did that kind of things but Jungsoo and Siwon insisted on it since it’s been a long time they gathered together. The only one who knows this are the members, and only him and the manager know about this 24 hours schedule he just had.. so could it be.. this is a prank from them? A new kind of variety show?

“Heechul-ah? What are you reading? You look confused,” His manager asked from the driver seat infront of him. He might’ve noticed Heechul’s expression through the mirror.

“Ah, nothing, just a notes”

“Is that so?”

“Say, are you the one writing this note?”

“Huh? No.. I mean, if it’s something important, I can just text it to you instead?”

“Hmm, right..” reading it made his moods worsen, so Heechul just put it back into his pocket without thinking much. He hasn’t sleep for more than 24 hours, if it’s not for his love for his dongsaeng, he will definitely choose to not come and sleep in his house instead. Maybe he picked up this note unconsciously from somewhere due to his lack of sleep. Another fanfiction from fans, maybe? Yeah, that must be it.

His head hurts a bit, tho. Better say hello quickly, drink some beer and go home.

.

.

Heechul arrived at the designated restaurant thirty minutes later. Looks like everyone except him already arrived since he could hear all the loud noises and laughs from the outside. It was a spacious private room with sofas and karaoke machine so they can enjoy themselves and being crazy like they always be, just like in home without worrying much.

“Hyung! You finally come!” Donghae was the first one to notice him coming in. “Sit here beside me!”

Heechul noticed Eunhyuk who sat beside Donghae stared silently at him while drinking his beer. But he didn’t say anything and shifted to another sofa, giving his space for Heechul. Heechul immediately leaned down to the comfy sofa, and enjoying the food on the table in front of him. The food is not bad, though.

He glanced at the other members. Ryeowook and Siwon was competing on the karaoke machine with their high dolphin pitch which was so noisy. Shindong was watching them and recording with his phone (maybe for another MV?). Yesung and Kyuhyun were taking selfies in another sofa. Leeteuk was busy talking on the phone in the corner, as no one except Heechul noticed him.

When he saw the ten-days older hyung, Heechul’s mind came back to the mysterious notes on his pocket. How the notes wrote he loves the other man...

Ah well, Leeteuk is manly, but he has a gentle face and soft hair. His dimple was to die for, and that skinny body... he certainly looks beautiful to Heechul.

‘What am I thinking,’ Heechul slapped himself and chugged another glass of beer. ‘I must be insane and too tired that I began to hallucinate.. Teukkie is my friend! And I prefer cute girls from idol group!’

“What’s wrong, hyung?” Donghae, though usually slow, noticed Heechul was busy dealing with his inner though.

“Nothing, I’m just sleepy so I must wake myself up for a bit,” he lied.

Donghae just shrugged and seems to not be interested. Heechul peeked again at Leeteuk, who just finished his phone call. Leeteuk gave out a long sigh, which made Heechul wondered what happened. But then Leeteuk turned to look to Heechul, caught Heechul was staring at him, and their eyes suddenly met each other.

Gosh, that was so awkward.

“Heechul! You finally came! I’m glad!” Leeteuk seemed unfazed, he began to smile and walked to the sofa where Donghae and Heechul sit.

“Well, you keep terrorizing me with your text..”

“Come on, it’s been a long time since we all got together? Look, the kids seems happy”

A shriek was heard from another corner of the room with loud laughter, as the karaoke team with now Eunhyuk and Donghae joining in, began to banter and tickle each other, just like kids. Leeteuk laughed at the kids and sat on the now empty seat beside Heechul.

“They’re.. too hyperactive.. I’m too old for that..” Heechul grinned at the sight. That’s weird, this kind of scene suddenly made him forget his tiredness.

“Hmm..” Leeteuk nodded. But his eyes looks like he was thinking of something else and his mind was not in this room. Well, of course only Heechul who could see that, as he was staring at Leeteuk’s face in front of him. They were actually so awkward that if the two of them was let alone, they couldn’t speak much. So Heechul developed a habit to study Leeteuk’s gesture to actually know what his leader might want to say so they can communicate without much more awkward blabberish.

But that night was kinda different from the usual. Leeteuk initiates another conversation with him rather than joining the other kids doing funny things.

“Heechul ah..” the older began to speak softly to him. “Do you.. have a schedule tomorrow?”

It’s also unusual that the older would ask about his schedule. Usually he only asked about big ones.

“Ah yeah, I have a show at MBC on afternoon, why?”

“Umm I.. actually have to host at MBC too in the morning.. could you.. maybe, replace me? I’ll talk to the director.. if it’s you, maybe they’ll have no problem.. I saw the kids schedule and they all have job in the morning..”

“Replacing you??” Heechul raised his brow. “Why?”

“My dog.. Shimkoong is sick so I want to like, check her out tomorrow.. She’s staying at vet tonight..”

“Teukkie, if it’s that, just let our staff do it. I have pets too. But I never sacrifice my schedule just to see them in vet. That’s kinda unprofessional. I bet she will be alright, don’t worry. Or you can check him after your schedule, right?”

“Unprofessionl.. Yeah.. But..”

“Geez, you tend to be such a worrywart, you know? Anyway, I aso can’t tomorrow since I need to get rest. I haven’t sleep for 24 hours, you know”

“Ah, you must be tired.. Sorry for asking strange things..” Leeteuk smiled understandingly. “You’re right. Maybe I’ll pick her up in the evening after all my schedule is done”

“Yep, yep. Besides, who am I to replace the nation’s MC, hmm?”

“Haha, you flatter me.. I’m going to get some more food then. Do you want any?”

“Nah, I’m chill with just this” He pointed at the beer and snacks.

“Okay, then” Leeteuk then left him to get food from the buffet there.

Heechul gulped another glass of beer when he suddenly remembered something.

.

_Please agree and do what he asked you. Just do it no matter what. _

.

Huh.. Isn’t this what that notes.. said?

Is this that favor the letter meant?

No, no. It’s just a crazy letter, Heechul diminished the idea. The request was not that difficult tho, and Heechul knew he is used to MC shows too, especially variety shows. But he badly need a rest and to wake up later tomorrow as he felt really tired. Well, what could happen, right?

Leeteuk didn’t say much after that, though. He just chewed his food silently and enjoyed the night watching the karaoke competition.

.

.

.

Heechul woke up from his beauty sleep at almost afternoon. He got the rest he wanted and the energy to do his job later. His mood was very good as his skin was glowing from the long sleep.

He just put on some training suit and a bit of makeup, before going to MBC for his schedule.

“Do you know that Leeteuk was having a shooting beside our studio?” his manager told him when he arrived at the waiting room.

“Ah, yeah, he kinda told me yesterday”

“I think they just finished though, I have to talk to the staff so feel free if you want to visit him next door”

‘Visiting him? For what?’ They may be a group mate, but they never really checking each other’s job out since they’re both very busy. Well, Leeteuk monitored all of their job from TV, tho.

But well, what’s the harm in it? They’re friend so it’s normal to say hi, right?

So Heechul decided to do it.

Heechul walked to Leeteuk’s waiting room that was just few doors away. People are running though the corridor, busy with the preparation of each their show, and nobody really paid any attention to him. The door with the Leeteuk’s name on it was slightly open so he peeked through it.

And he was welcomed with the thing that he didn’t want to see the most.

.

In the room, Leeteuk was alone, leaning on his makeup table, his back at Heechul. His shoulder shivered, appear to hide the sniffle from his mouth. But Heechul could definitely hear sobs being muffled quietly from the man even from far.

Leeteuk was crying.

The leader was very sentimental, he know, everyone know. But seeing he crying alone like this break Heechul’s heart so much.

But what can he do?

His mean mouth wasn’t made to comfort others. And his brilliant minds instantly tell him that Leeteuk wouldn’t like to show his crying to anyone, as he would always take pride in his bright smile. Even if he suddenly barge in and ask his firend what happened, Leeteuk wouldn’t really tell him what’s on his mind.

So he chose not to disturb the leader and left quietly. He didn’t know why the older was crying, and it kinda worries him. Leeteuk was fragile, and Heechul admits that he constantly worried about Leeteuk. But he always didn’t know what he can do to help his friend.

Heechul went back to his room, greeted by the stylist who quickly did his hair and face.

He put his hand on his pants pocket to look for his phone when he touched something else there.

A paper.

It’s another one of the mysterious note.

Heechul carefully open the scunched up little paper. ‘How did it got there? In the corridor?’ He began reading it.

.

_Dear myself, 5 years ago.._

_I think I’m _ _a bit sober now.. _ _well, if you really received my previous letter, you may be confused? Haha_ _, though I don’t know if _ _this letter will reach you for real. _ _I want to believe it, tho… Well I think the younger me will just let it slide and not thinking more of _ _that letter._ _ I forgot to write more details in it and just sent it like that, sorry.._

_Today, 11 October 2020.. gosh i wrote that like a diary right? Never thougt I’ll write one.. anyway, You will walked to a crying Leeteuk in his room._

_I hope you reach out to him._

_Please don’t run away and hug him. Comfort him._

_This is one of the thing that I regret the most until now.._

_When I knew the reason he cried that day, I really regretted it._

_Even if I can’t say anything good.._

_It will be nice to tell Teukkie that I’m here for him.._

_Oh, right._

_I want to tell you something, _ _the reason why I write you these letters.._

_In this world, your five years later.. _

_J_ _ungsoo doesn’t exist anymore.._

_He’s dead._

_He got into an accident and hit by a truck when he passed the street in front of his apartment._

_Well, that’s what everyone believed._

_But we.. Super Junior know that maybe.. it’s not the case. Ryeowook said that, Teukie might have actually committed suicide_ _.. But for me.._

_I think that we.. no, I.. _

_I killed him.._

_If only.._

_I can save him.._

_I wish.._

_I wish I could care a bit more of him.._

.

.

Okay this is strange. 

The notes before was quite accurate though not detaild, and now he got a second note?

Walking to a crying Leeteuk and ran away..

Nobody would’ve know about this other than him.. right?

The letter is true?

.

.

_In this world, your five years later.. J_ _ungsoo doesn’t exist anymore.._

_He’s dead._

It can’t be.. right?


	2. I Don't Want It

_“Super junior Leeteuk’s beloved dog, Shimkoong, died today because of its sickness.”_

_“The dog was in a really bad shape the night before and was admitted to pet hospital”_

_“The condition suddenly worsened at afternoon and it died”_

_“Leeteuk couldn’t be at its side in its last moment due to his schedule”_

.

.

.

The article was out on the evening, after Leeteuk post about it on his SNS.

Heechul always put Leeteuk on his notification, so he was one of the first people to read about it, and he was really speechless.

More like, guilty.

Leeteuk told him about the sick dog yesterday night, but he didn’t know it could lead into this.

If he agreed to replace Leeteuk on his show, Leeteuk could pick Shimkoong and at least.. be with it on its deathbed. Not being with your loved one on those critical moments must be so frustating. Or mabe, if Leeteuk was there, Shimkoong would miraculously healed? Who knows?

And maybe, this is the reason why Leeteuk cried this afternoon...

Heechul knows how much Leetuk loves his pet. He feels the same with his pets too and imagining if the same things would happen to him made him really depressed.

The guilty man sighed while leaning into the sofa of his car. He was just done having dinner with some casts of the show he just worked in. Now that he felt full and sleepy, he became more and more guilty.

_Did Leeteuk eat? If I was him I would be too sad to eat anything.._

His phone keep beeping with notification in the Suju group chat. Every members are expressing their sympathy and sadness to Leeteuk though the said man hadn’t appear. But they knew Leeteuk must be not in the mood to play with his phone, tho. So after no reply came in the group, the members stayed silent.

_“Leeteuk, are you okay? Where are you?”_

_“I’m really sorry about Shimkoong. And I should’ve replaced you today..”_

_“Please call me when you read this”_

Heechul also already chat Leeteuk privately. Spamming him with his worriness, he also tried to phone Leeteuk for many times but Leeteuk didn’t pick up, at least it was not out of service. It’s actually weird to call him, though, he never really called Leeteuk before if it’s not really really important and neccesary.

But he can’t stop replaying the scene from this afternoon. The face of Leeteuk crying, alone, keep appearing in his head and made his chest tightens.

Heechul read the notes on his hands again. The notes has been true so far, and it warned him of the bad things happened to Leeteuk.

_In this world, your five years later.. J_ _ungsoo doesn’t exist anymore.._

_He’s dead._

It couldn’t be, right?

What could a Super Junior be without its leader?

.

.

Heechul was just finished taking a shower and now wants to play some game to his distress. But he noticed his dog has been biting and spinning with his coat he tossed on the bed before.

“Hey, Bok, why are you playing with my coat? Give it back here” Bok just barked when Heechul grabbed the coat and brought it to the laundry stacks. As he checked if he had something in the coat before washing it, he found something.

He found another note on the pocket.

Another one..

.

.

_Hey, it’s me again. My self in the past.._

_I can only send one page at a time, this is kinda annoying. But I need time to remember all of it, too. After all, it’s been years.. Ah, sorry that my writing is so gibberish and random, I’ll try to do it better. Writing this actually helps me ease a bit. _

_The reason why Teukkie asked you to replace him at his job is because Shimkoong is badly sick. It died the next day and Leeteuk couldn’t be with it since I rejected his favor.. He didn’t tell us, tho, and just post it on his SNS._

_After this, Leeteuk would disappear for two days. And he would act like nothing happened and pretended to be strong, doing all of his schedule like a professional MC he is. Like he never cried in that waiting room at the time he heard the news.. He would smile sadly if people are telling him their symphathy, and telling us that he would try to let it go._

_At that time, since we didn’t want him to be sad, we tried to prevent talking about Shimkoong again. But to be honest, I want you to ask him about it. Ever since Shimkoong died, he didn’t have anything to do at home so he would picked up all job he could have.. I only know after talking about it with the members recently, but he actually said to Shindong that he blamed himself for not taking care of Shimkoong that it get ill and died.. Even though it’s not his fault.. I know how much care he put into it!_

_At one time, he asked me to go out with him, a bizzare moment , I know. He never asked me to hang out, let alone just us two? Playing outside? He’s really a loner and homebody so it was unexpected, but.. I turned him down because I already made another promise that day. He seemed sad but he said we can hang out at another time.._

_Which never turned out to be true in the end.._

_Because a few days after that, he died.._

_I regret that choice, really._

_I wish I could go on a date with him._

_No, even talk a bit more with him is enough._

_Please, don’t turn him down. Please go with him and listen to him. Ask him how he is doing, and make him smile. Do the things I could never do now.._

_Why?_

_Why people only notice their important things after they disappear?_

_My head is full of ’if only..’_

_Why can’t we notice his loneliness?_

_Why can’t I fulfill my promise?_

.

The notes was stained with what looks like drop of tears.

His future self must be crying writing this.

He imagined himself, drowning in sorrow, drinking along while writing these notes. How he must have become a really pitiful old man.

He want to erase that regret.

Tears almost came out from his eyes, though he rubbed it before that happens. His heart hurt reading this.

His future self desperately pleading him to change the past.. but he already messed up since the beginning. _Well, he should have told me about Shimkoong from the very beginning! Why am such an idiot??_

_In this world, your five years later.. J_ _ungsoo doesn’t exist anymore.._

_He’s dead._

If the letter is true.. how can it be?

How can there be a future without Leeteuk?

Suddenly he was scared. Really scared. He can’t imagine what he would be without Leeteuk there. Leeteuk is always here.. and he always will be. That’s what he believed all these times. What do you mean that Heechul can’t wake up to find Leeteuk bombarding the group chat with good mornings and random info? Does that also mean Heechul can’t sneakily peek at Leeteuk’s laughing face when Suju have a meeting and making chaos with their crazy ideas? And the concert, can’t he dance and have fun together with Leeteuk anymore?

_I DON’T WANT IT!_

The fear all turned into adrenaline rush. All he could think about is meeting with Leeteuk right now. At this moment.

He quickly wear the coat on his hand and phone Leeteuk for the hundrethth time. Still no answer.

_Fuck it, I’ll do it! _

Like a mad man, in the middle of the night, Heechul ran to Leeteuk’s apartment which is nearby. It was cold since it’s almost winter, but he couldn’t feel the cold at all. Thank god he still remember to put on the coat so the cold didn’t slow him down. Thank god the road was empty and the bypasser didn’t recognize him.

.

.

After some times he finally arrived to Leeteuk’s unit and punched the doorbell crazily. The security let him in to the apartment because he recognized Heechul and Heechul said there’s an emergency.

“Teukkie.. yah.. Jungsoo.. You’re there right?”

Heechul knocked on the door. No answer.

“Teukkie.. please let me in..”

He began to bang the door.

Still no answer.

“Teukkie.. I beg you..”

He never felt this desperate before. All he want to see now is Leeteuk, standing there, alive. Leeteuk’s neighbor began to go out and trying to yell at Heechul’s noisy attempt, but they quickly went back after Heechul told them about how he really need to see the other man now. Looks like his almost crying face for being really worried of Leeteuk made them pity him.

.

.

After his hundreth attempt to tring the doorbell maybe, Leeteuk is finally giving up and opened the door.

(Heechul is a man who never gives up! Hmph)

“Heechul, sorry I just—“

He couldn’t finish his sentence though, since Heechul unconciously hugged Leeteuk in a rush.

“Heechul..?”

“I’m sorry...” he whispered

“What? Are you drunk?’

“I’m not!” He tighten his hug on Leeteuk. “Listen, I’m sorry I rejected your request yesterday. Had I known it would lead to this, I would gladly do all of your work! So you can be with Koong at her last moment! I know Koongie really loves you.. and—“

Heechul put his head up, staring at Leeteuk’s face infront of him. He looks so tired with all the dry tears and disheveled hair. He must’ve been crying all day. But even through all that, his face stil looks so pretty to him. 

“It’s not.. your fault..?” Leeteuk looks confused with all of this.

“But still, if only I could replace you”

“It’s okay.. thank you for caring..” Leeteuk smiled and hug Heechul back. “This is nice...”

Huh.. nice..what’s nice?

Thirty seconds and after he felt the warmth from Leetek enveloped him, Heechul realized what he had done and blushed. He quickly pushed Leeteuk away from his hold, because he was embarassed. Hugging Leeteuk felt so nice, it’s been a while. He was still soft and smells good as always..

_Goddamnit Heechul!! Focus!!_

“Akkkkk!! So.. sorry I suddenly appear and hug you like this!! I just..”

“Hehe, are you sure you’re not drunk?” and now Leeteuk laughed a bit. It was such a small gesture but, Heechul suddenly has this flood of emotions inside his heart.

He made Leeteuk laugh.

He made Leeteuk laugh!!

Leeteuk was here, standing in front of him, laughing...

_Fuck, I want to cry so badly. So this is how it feels.._

Heechul tried really hard to hold his tears in. _How can such a simple thing like this be so precious .. _

“Heechul?” Leeteuk’s voice bring him back to reality.

“I..it’s because we can’t contact you! So we’re worried! Really worried! You should at least open our messages!”

“Ahh.. Actually, I cried until I got tired and fell asleep.. sorry. I just woke up because you’ve been playing a Sorry Sorry tune with my doorbell”, Leeteuk chuckled again. “You’re worried? Really?”

“Of course I am! That’s why I come here!”

“I see..” He stared at Heechul’s eyes. “I see..”

Heechul scoffed. Wait, Leeteuk doesn’t seems like as bad as he expected? _Am I just being extra? _He thought

“Let’s go in. Do you want tea? Cola?”

“Cola..”

_But it’s a relief tho.. _

_If only Leeteuk can smile like this forever.._

_Or maybe, he’s just not showing his sadness?_

If Heechul didn’t come here, will he just cry alone in his bed?

Whether or not his choice to come here is true, he already decide something.

“Teukkie!”

“Yes?’

“Are you free this weekend?’

“Huh?”

.

_That regret.. I will erase them all!_

_I won’t let Leeteuk die!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I killed Koongie TT_TT  
Anyway, fluffy date scene incoming in next chapter!!


	3. Are You Happy?

“It’s weird that you’re not wearing your usual tracksuit”

Heechul can’t say it. He can’t say that he spent one hour choosing a nice clothes for his supposedly date with Leeteuk. He wore a nice blazer over his T-shirt and actually do his own makeup and hair just for hanging out with Leeteuk for a movie and meal .

The future him regret not going on that date with Leeteuk, so he will make it come true and give all the best just for Leeteuk. Of course, since he treat this date seriously, he couldn’t wear his tracksuit and have to doll up a bit.

Though Leeteuk, on the other side, just treat this like a usual but rare hangout occasion between ((best friend)).. with his usual T-shirt and jeans and cap and mask and bare face. Oh yeah, Heechul forgot that as a celeb, they have to stay low or people might recognize them. But who cares about that when you’re about to give a best special day for your boy—best friend *cough*.

_If I went to a date like what my future self regretted, then Leeteuk will be saved, right?_

“Today is special,” Heechul shrugged, making Leeteuk chuckled. They were sitting side by side in the taxi, since the cinema and restaurant Heechul wanted to go is quite far. Heechul actually picked Leeteuk up on his apartment on time (a new record) and Leeteuk, though confused, silently following him to the taxi.

“Now that you mention it, isn’t this the first time the two of us hang out together, just the two of us? It’s kinda..weird,” Leeteuk still laughed. Bu Heechul can still feel the awkwardness from him.

“It’s not weird at all. We should’ve done this since way before”

“See, even the kids are saying that it’s weird for us to be together.. Usually we only hang out if they’re also around”

Leeteuk showed Heechul his phone, when Suju’s chat group is full of chat from their younger brother, still not believing that the two would really left them to hang out alone.

“Yah! Why are you telling them about today! They’ll just ask us to bring them and they’ll ruin everything!”

“You..don’t want to bring them with us? Why?”

“Of course it’s because I want to be with just you!”

“....”

“....”

Leeteuk kinda blushed and speechless at his statement.

A few seconds later, Heechul just realized that what he said could lead into a big misunderstanding. How could he said all that shamelessly? Is he a flirt? But if he try to give explanation to deny it, Leeteuk will be disappointed.

He wanted today to be the best day for Leeteuk after all.

A few days ago,he abruptly barging into Leeteuk’s room and after a session of hugging and apologizing (which is quite embarrassing for him, really), Heechul asked if Leeteuk is free today, and fortunately he said yes. Heechul also only has today off and thank god Leeteuk doesn’t have any plan or schedule. 

_“Then, go with me”_

_“Huh? Sure, where?”_

_“I don’t know.. just.. us two.. hanging out together..?”_

_“US TWO?” Leeteuk was shocked, but laughed. “Really, are you sure?”_

_“100% SURE! Listen, I’ll come for you at 10 am this Sunday so don’t wake up late and get ready! Understand?”_

_“O..okay?”_

_“Good, now bring me my cola”_

_Shit, shit, the lamest way to ask someone out for a date. So embarrassing!! Heechul cursed at himself inside his head. ‘And how dare I command him just like that, when I’m actually the one who have to comfort him!’_

_Leetuk seems to not mind, though, since he was confused by Heechul’s action today. He just took a can of cola from his fridge and gave it to Heechul._

_Heechul quickly drank the can empty and rushed to go home after reminding Leeteuk again about the date plan._

Well, and that brought the pair to today’s event.

.

“Anyway, where are we going?”

“Let’s watch a movie and then eat. I already booked a restaurant!”

Heechul ordered the driver to stop at the nearest cinema and they went down from the car.

The cinema wasn’t really crowded, thank goodness. But they already felt that the people there quickly recognize them, thanks to Heechul’s celeb appearance. They hurrily went to the ticket counter.

“What are we going to watch?”

“I don’t know, let’s just pick something that is showing right now”

“Now? Then it’s....... this romance..movie..”

The two became awkward and silent again. Two adult men hanging out together watching romance movies, just the two of them? Maybe even Dispatch would laught at this headline.

“Oh, the actor is that junior I met before! Let’s go watch this, then, I want to see his acting,” suddenly Leeteuk perked up after staring at the romance movie poster. “He’s really handsome and young, isn’t he?”

_What the hell! I’m more handsome!_

_Though.. I may not be that young anymore.._

“Okay”

He managed to stay cool on the outside.

The two came to the ticket counter and purchased it. The staff seems to recognize them as she squealed and blushed watching both of them picking their seats.

“Is it just the two of you today? Where’s Siwon?” Well, seems like she’s Siwon's fans.

“Yeah, it’s just us” Leeteuk gave her a smile.

“It’s so weird to see you two together.. are you shooting something? Then, you need permission from our manager. Should I call him for you?”

“No! We are not shooting anything! This is our private schedule! We’re just hanging out!” Heechul was so pissed. Not only their members, even fans are shocked to see them side by side.

_I know! I know damn well it’s weird!_

_Because I feel weird too myself!_

_But still, I don’t know any other way to save him.._

“Oh, I’m sorry then! Here are your ticket, enjoy!” The staff gave them tickets and quickly back to her phone, typing something. Bet she was making a thread on twitter about how she met the two.

They quickly went inside the cinema and sit on their chosen seat.The cinema was quite empty, maybe the movie was not so popular.. But it’s nice that there’s not many people so they can enjoy their privacy.

“You know, I’m quite nervous,” Leeteuk whispered when the light’s about to be turned off.

“Why?” It’s just a movie. A romantic movie where there are no zombies so nothing to be scared of.

“I mean, isn’t this our first time ever? Watching a movie in cinema together?” Leeteuk smiled so wide his white teeth can be seen. “Its a feeling like I’m on my first date over again”

_Damn, Heechul, stop blushing just because of Leeteuk’s genuine smile enjoying your time together! It’s just a movie, a movie! Thank goodness the light’s already off. Or else Leeteuk will think I’m an idiot because right now i’m grinning to myself._

The movie was very cliche, about a man who just realized his feelings when his female best friend is going to get married, so he regret not realizing it sooner.

“It’s boring..” Heechul said, and Leeteuk nodded.

But the two seemed to focus on the movie.

Heechul started relating to the movie, like imagine what if he got married? He always said that he wants to get married and have kids, but he can’t really imagining that to happens because of his bad temper. In his 30s life, many people have come and go. Only Leeteuk and the kids who loyally stayed by his side.

What if Leeteuk is the one who got married? Well, he’ll be happy, because then Leeteuk will not be lonely anymore right? And wait, maybe if that happens he also will not commit suicide like the letter said! But still Heechul can’t stop being irked at the idea.

In the end, the male lead died in a car accident when he wanted to come to the wedding party after he decided he wanted to tell his feeling to the girl. The film has a bad ending.

Heechul can’t help taking many glimpses to Leeteuk who was focused at the dying scene beside him.

.

“Oh, a game center! Can we play for a bit?”

After they finished watching the movie, they stumbled to the game center beside the cinema.

“Yah, you and your obsession with games..” but Leeteuk didn’t stop Heechul.

Heechul played many retro games, while Leeteuk just silently sitting there watching him or playing with his phone. He was so used to this,Heechul was such a game addict and he understand that.

After a countless rounds, Heechul realized that he had ignored Leeteuk, even though he should make today as te best hangout day for Leeteuk.

“You should play games too! We rarely came here, right!”

“It’s been so long since I played a game..”

“Then, how about playing simple game? Look, it’s an Ufo Catcher over there!” he pointed at a claw machine game and both of them walked there to see the doll prizes.

“Ah! That dog doll is so cute! It looks just like Shimkoong -- ”

“Ah—“

“Ah...” The silence became very awkward once again. “Sorry..”

“It’s okay, I will get it for you!”

Heechul tried to erase the awkward tension because of Leeteuk saying Shimkoong’s name. It’s weird, back then whenever Leeteuk mentioned his dog’s name, he would be really bright and sunshine, it felt so warm. But now the atmosphere around them turned so gloomy. Leeteuk tried to smile but he can’t hide those 3 seconds of sadness in his face from Heechul’s eagle eyes.

Since he was so used playing game and became a master, Heechul got it easily in two tries. What Leeteuk want was a small white dog plushies, and he seemed happy receiving the doll from his best friend.

“Thank you!” he patted the doll. “Hey, which doll do you like? I will get one too for you since you gave me one”

“Ehh, no need”

“You told me I should play games!” _ah, he pouted, how cute. Aren’t you supposed to be an old man? Why are you still so cute and handsome? People used to call me cute but aren’t you cuter?_

“Then, I want that dinosaur plushie” he finally said

“Okay! Leave it to me!”

But different from Heechul, Leeteuk barely played any games, so he really sucks at it. Heechul only laughed watching how Leeteuk got angry because the claw couldn’t even came close to get the doll.

“Ahhh, I fail again!”

“You’re going to lose your money if you kept failing like this..”

“How can you do it so easily?”

“Here. Let me teach you” Heechul came close to Leeteuk to teach him how to play the game. Unconsciously, Heechul’s hand was right on Leeteuk’s hand as he guide the later to push the button at the right direction. Heechul felt his heart bumped. Uh, he is used to hold Leeteuk’s hand at concert?Why is he feeling shy now? Was it because those passerby watching them over there? Or how some schoolkids taking a pic of them?

“I did it!!”

Leeteuk’s voice brought him back from his chaos mind. Leeteuk jumped happily grabbing the doll he got with Heechul’s help.

“Here, for you! Take care of it, okay?”

“Okay, okay”

Heechul just smiled watching Leeteuk took a picture of the doll he got from Heechul. Maybe he wanted to post it on his SNS. What a bragger.

But it’s nice to see him so excited.

.

The dinner after that was good.

They didn’t talk much, but it wasn’t that awkward anymore. The sky just almost turned dark when they were on their way home. Heechul know Leeteuk doesn’t drink so he didn’t ask him for another session of hanging out in the bar. The two sit side by side in the car when Leeteuk broke the silence between them.

“Thank you for today, it’s been some time since I hang out with somebody other than Koongie..”

Uh, why did he mention Koongie again?

“You should try to gain more human friends! Or.. maybe getting a new pet?”

The best way to move on is to find another love, right?

“No, I.. I think I can’t survive another grieving when my beloved ones leave me..” Leeteuk turned sad. Oh, shit. “And I’m a boring person so I think no ones want to hang out with me, I’m not like you”

“Hey, hey! It can also be possible that your new dog will live longer than you, right?” Heechul slapped his mouth. He tried to be funny but that’s not funny at all. Worst joke ever. “Anyway, I think you’re not boring, I really enjoyed today!”

“Really?”

“Yeah!” _Though we are still awkward, but yeah today is still a nice day!_

“You only said that because we are long time friend..”

He chuckled a little before turning to the window to see the streets they passed by. _What are you thinking right now? That I’m lying? But I didn’t lie!_

Heechul want to say something again but Leeteuk beat him.

“Do you think Shimkoong was happy with me?”

“Yeah, I think you are her best father ever! You really dote on him”

“Hmmm.. Yeah..”

_Why do you look like that! I only said the truth! Just say whatever you’re thinking, I will listen to it. The letter even said that I should ask about Shimkoong, right?_

_Damn, when I was thinking what to say, we already arrived at Teukkie’s home!_

“Ah, then I will get off here—“

“Wait!”

Heechul grabbed Leeteuk's wrist before he could open the door.

“Are you happy? Today?”

_If you’re happy, then.._

_You wouldn’t kill yourself and that future wouldn’t come true, right?_

Leeteuk seemed fazed for a bit while staring at Heechul, but then he smiled.

“Yeah.. yeah, I’m happy”

A sad smile.

That’s when Heechul know, that he’s actually not.

“You—“

“Are you doing this to cheer me up because of Shimkoong? You don’t have to do this I told you it’s not your fault. I’m okay, really” Leeteuk pushed off Heechul’s hand from his wrist gently. “You don’t have to worry about me, just do whatever you want, Heechul-ah..”

Heechul doesn’t know what to answer. Leeteuk’ sad smile seems so determined that he was just sitting there staring at Leeteuk’s expression.

“Well.. but still, again, thank you for today. It’s awkward but nice.. Be careful on your way home” Leeteuk opened the car’s door and waved his hand, as he got out of the car. “See you soon, don’t be late for next week’s meeting”

Heechul just nodded and saw Leeteuk has walked away to get in his apartment. The view of that lonely back hanging with burden was intact in Heechul’s eyes.

“But..”

“But what if.. All that I want is to save you?”

Even if we’re together, there’s still this wall made of glasses hiding our true thoughts.

_Why can’t you trust me?_

.

.

_Hey there myself five years ago.. are you still with me?_

_I hope you’re doing good there. How’s Teukkie? I hope he’s smiling today.._

_I wonder if writing this can actually changes anything, but even the slightest chance.. Even in the parallel world, I wish there was a world where Leeteuk could live happily.. It’s okay, I can live with this pain, but I hope you in the parallel universe could live happily with Leeteuk._

_Anyway, maybe you think he would go depressed only because of Shimkoong.. But actually, there were many reasons that I think pushed him to death.. _

_There are many things I didn’t know about him. I wanted to ask about his feelings._

_He lives with so many burdens within his hearts._

_Even if the pain from Shimkoong healed, there are many more factors that made him would want to kill himself. At least that’s what i think. Even we members have different opinions about this._

_Because I had been observing him in secret.. and I saw how he changes.. but yet I never do anything. How naive of me, to think everything will get better by themselves._

_The worse has yet to happen._

_October 26, _

_A new producer for our show came. He kept inviting Teukkie to eat dinner together, and Teukkie couldn’t really deny so he went instead of you guys._

_I know now, it was the worst mistake ever._

_Please don’t ever let Leeteuk go eat dinner alone with that producer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo as I promised!   
A fluff cutie date chapter to refresh all this emo story!  
Hope you enjoy it before we go back with more plot ;)


	4. Don't Touch Him

_He was standing there, with his back on me. _

_He turned back, though, staring at me, as I tried my best to call him but my voice couldn’t come out. He muttered something, that I can’t understand. I still tried to shout._

_But it was futile._

_We can’t understand each other._

_He faced forward again, and started walking._

_And he’s going further and further.._

_“No..don’t go.. Don’t go!! “_

_“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry..”_

_My voice finally came out, I’m so relieved. He seemed to hear that, and stop. Once again, he turned back._

_But now, tears are falling from his eyes._

_He just stood there. And cried._

_“Are you crying.. because I couldn’t protect you?”_

_“Or is it because.. you can’t forgive me?”_

.

.

“Heechul hyung!!”

“!!”

Heechul raised his head in panic. He looks around. It was some dark room, which he seconds later recognized as his old room in their old dorm.

“Hu..h? Oh, Shindong.. Sorry, I.. fell asleep..”

He actually fell asleep while writing the letters on the table with dim light. He sighed as he once again had that bad dream. Shindong’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Yeah, you got wasted just now, right.. You never came back from your room so I’m here to check on you”

“Uhh, I feel sober now thanks to that, though..”

“Hyung, is that..?”

Shindong raised his eyebrows seeing the letters scattered on the table and a wooden box beside those.

“Ah, this! Yeah. You may think that I’m crazy, but—“

“Not really. I gave it to you, after all. The sacred box.. My fortune-teller grandmother passed it down to me and said that it could send letters you put inside to your past self.. Do you.. actually send one?”

“Yes.. I don’t know if it’s true or not, I just want.. to try something.. maybe, maybe if what your grandmother said was right.. I could do something.. to warn my past self.. to save Teukkie.. so maybe, something will change”

“That could make a paradox in time” Shindong said sternly. “But.. I won’t stop you. Since I, too, wished that he would still be here with us..”

After everything that happened, Shindong didn’t want to believe in such cruel fate anymore. Before the incident happened, his sixth sense felt that something bad is going to Leeteuk’s direction, but he didn’t say anything and dismiss it as something not important. And unfortunately, it actually came true..

He wished he didn’t have this power. Because he felt really guilty. He saw it coming, but didn’t warn his hyung, nor even can do anything to stop it. He would prefer be clueless, and became as shocked like the others. He said all those to his grandmother, and her answer is this box.

But he himself didn’ have the courage to use it.

“I’m stupid, so I don’t really believe in myself, but.. after I wrote many things.. I felt some of my burden have been lifted.. Like maybe this will erase some of my guilt..”

“Hyung, it’s not your fault. It’s all of us. You don’t have to blame yourself”

“I know. But I.. I loved him, Shindong”

“Me too, though as a brother. I wish he knows that”

“Yeah.. anyways, I’m going to keep writing this letter sistematically per date, I still have many things left to say.. You should go back to the living room. Though, I bet everyone is already asleep?”

“Well, everyone is dead drunk and fell on the floor after crying Leetuk’s name. Today is his death anniversary, after all”

“.....”

“.....”

“Well—“

“Hyung,” A voice startled them. “Let me write one too. A letter”

.

.

.

.

“Hyung! What’s up with you guys? Why are you suddenly going out jut the two of you?”

Heechul just stepped into the meeting room when Ryeowook, Donghae and Yesung bombarded him with questions. He could also see Eunhyuk and Siwon were already there too, and seemed curious but try to not saying anything.

“What, what do you guys mean?”

“You and Leeteuk Hyung!!”

Heechul’s cheek suddenly rose to red colors, remembering their ‘date’ a few days before. 

“You two never replied to any of our chat! But fans have been making a thread of your date” Donghae whimpers

“I surfed on twitter and found a pic of you two romantically playing claw machine!” Yesung showed Heechul his phone, where there are so many SNS thread with a sneaky photo of Leeteuk and Heechul walking together, and they also included the photo of when Heechul held Leeteuk’s hand to show him how to play claw machine. It became such a huge deal on the internet, since it’s a very rare occurence, like a meteor who would only pass earth once every 70 years.

“Wha.. that’s just normal! We just play that game together!” Heechul got really embarrassed. “And it’s not a d-date..! We’re just hanging out together as friend!”

“Then why are you dressing up? You also take him to watch romance movie” Ryeowook stared at him with judging look, not believing everything his older brother said.

“Tha..that..” Well, he meant it to be a date, actually, a friendly bro date? But they teased him like it’s a real date that it made Heechul automatically denied all of it to hide his embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, hyung, we know that you like Teukkie hyung since long time ago. We’re just curious that you finally made a move after years.. so did you confess to him?”

“What the hell??” Heechul choked. “I did not!”

“Ayy, coward” Ryeowook just shrugged.

“But Wookie! They maybe already dating all this time! But they just keep it a secret fro all of us! You know how they two are so shy!” Yesung, the teukchul enthusiast, argue.

“Ohh! That can be! Hyung, you can be honest to us--”

“Honest for what?”

Leeteuk suddenly appear on the door. Bad timing, Heechul thought as he sighed looking at those kids smirking.

Surprisingly, usually Eunhyuk is the most noisy about this, but he hadn’t said anything to tease Heechul til now and instead quickly turned to Leeteuk before anyone can say anything.

“Hyung, are you two a couple?”

“Who?”

“You, and Heechul hyung”

“Huhhh?” Leeteuk was shocked at the question, but then he laughed. “What is this, suddenly? Is it because we hang out yesterday?”

_Ugh, how can he laugh so nonchalantly when I’m about to die from embarassment! All of my efforts and you still treat our date like nothing??_

“So it’s true? What happened between you guys?”

“Nothing..? Heechul just wanted to cheer me up”

“Heehul hyung? Cheering up people?? It’s not just a myth?”

“Yah, kid, who do you think I am!”

“The mighty Kim Heechul?”

“Stop it kids, he always cheers me up in his own way. Thank you, Heechul” Leeteuk ended their argument and smiled sweetly at Heechul, making the later starstrucked by the angelic presence in front of him. Was his smile always this dazling? Or is it because now he realize how valuable this smile is since he may can’t see them again in the future?

“Heechul hyung is so whipped” the maknaes shrugged, seeing Heechul still dumbfoundedly staring at Leeteuk who moved to his own seat.

“Shu..shut up! It’s because he’s so cringy!” he denied once again.

Eunhyuk came close to Heechul and whispered, “You should just confessed to teukkie Hyung...”

Heechul wanted to slap the younger’s head but the two immediately tuned their head to Leeteuk since the leader was throwing out coughes. Looks like he was a bit sick, since his skin is paler than usual.

Heechul seems like he remembering something and stood up, quickly going out from the room.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Eunhyuk now came to Leeteuk’s side. “You should take a rest, we can have a meeting by ourselves”

“Ah, don’t worry, it’s okay, I’m okay, I already drink medicine, thanks”

“Hyung!!”

“Hyukkie, they said this is an important meeting so I can’t skip and let you guys make trouble, right? And I already said I’m fine”

“Hyung.. But--”

“Here”

A hand holding a hot vitamin drink suddenly appear between the. It’ Heechul’s hand, as he already came back into the room.

“Drink this, it’ll help you”

Leeteuk received the drink with a confused face.

“Oh, Oh? I see, thanks.. did you buy this for me?”

“Well, the vending machine is right outside, so..” Heechul lied, the machine was actually quite far but he sprint into it so he can back in a short time.

“Heechul hyung actually take care of Leeteuk hyung? What was that, he brought him a drink like that.. he never done that before” Shindong and Kyuhyun, who just came, witnessing how fast Heechul can walk back from the machine and sweetly giving the drink to Leeteuk like in shoujo manga. They were so shocked, Heechul never done something this sweet if it’s not for shooting purpose. Though they know the older is actually kind.

“Are they really dating?”

“What, he’s sick so I should take care of him!” Heechul raised his voice again. “And you! You MCed too much that your voice become hoarse like this! You should take care of yourself well!”

“Ehh, I can take care of myself! It’s just that lately I got many job..” Leeteuk, who got pointed at by Heechul, whimpered

“You can throw your job to me if you want, I will do it for you, instead you just go rest”

Hearing that, Leeteuk stayed silent for a bit, and his face became unpleasant.

“Heechul, if this is about what happened with Koongie, I already said it’s unnecessary. Just take care of your own job, don’t mind me”

_What! Why he dismissed me like this again!_

_It's not just because of Koongie!_

“I’m not—“

“Guys, the meting’s about to begin!” their managers came into the room, stopping Heechul from talking to Leeteuk.

Heechul has no choice but to come back sitting on his seat, while Leeteuk ignore him.

.

.

.

“So, the reason for today’s meeting is..” the manager clapped. “You guys are going to do this big project with the government!”

“Woahhhh!”

“Here is some representative from the government and institutions, you have to treat them well, since they will observe us throughout this project!”

“I’m Park Donghyun, I expect your group to improve the image of our country from this project” the middle aged man, the oldest who looks like their leader, speak.

“Producer Park, please take care of us. I’m Leeteuk, Suju’s leader” Leeteuk offered his hand for a handshake, which Mr. Park took enthusiastically.

“I know you, Leeteuk-ssi. You look good with that long hair”

“Ah... thank you”

Heechul wasn’t interested with the project. It was big for them, sure, but it was boring. All is formality. Why can’t they take more interesting jobs? Like, collaborating with Girlgroups?

_And what’s with that Producer shaking hand and doesn’t let go of Teukkie’s hand for so long!_

_The producer.. _

_Wait, didn’t the letter said something about him??_

The producer and the government guy smiled that made Heechul cringey.

He feels someting bad is coming again.

.

.

.

After the meeting ended and they began to disperse, after saying goodbye to each other, Heechul saw they called Leeteuk to the corner of the room. That Park Donghyun and some of his minions were still chatting by themselves., but as soon as Leeteuk wanted to leave, they immediately hold him in the room.

“Leeteuk-ssi! Good job for today, I look forward to our project”

“Ah.. Yes, we were long in this industry but we never really got a project this big. Thank you”

“Actually, we want to discuss it with you further, do you want to have dinner together after this? Our treat”

“Oh? But, the kid..”

“Hyungg, we’re going first! We have schedule after this!”

“See, they’re busy. Let’s just go” Park Dohyun grabbed Leeteuk’s wrist. “I already asked your manager, you have no more jobs today, right?”

“Ahh, that’s true, but..”

_They’re definitely fishy!!_

Heechul silently spied on them. He wanted to shout at them but the manager and Leeteuk has scold him several times throughout the meeting today to keep his manner at this one project, since it could affect their image andappeal to the higher ups.

_Don’t let him go alone._

The letter came into his mind. He didn’t heed it the firt time, but now, he wouldn’t know what will happen later, but he would believe in himself and just do what the letter say!

“I’m coming too!”

Heechul stormed to them, surprising the gang.

“He.. Heechul-ssi?”

“Heehul, don’t you have a schedule after this?” Leeteuk was shocked too, but he was still keeping his calm.

“Maybe, but I can always cancel that since this seems to be an important meeting and you might need a secretary, Teukkie”

“You don’t seem like one..” Park Dohyun murmured

“Heechul, I can go by myself, don’t worry.. you can focus on your job”

“No! I’m going too and that’s final!!”

Leeteuk sighed. Heechul was weird these days.. He suddenly became extra protective and naggy. Usually Heechul wouldn’t even mind him, nor tagging to him like this. Is it because he really felt guilty for Koongie? It’s really not his fault.

“Fine.. Mr. Park, sorry, can we bring Heechul too?”

“Uh.. fine, I guess”

And Heechul smirked wth victory.

He will protect Leeteuk, whatever happened!

.

.

.

The dinner went quite fine at first, actually. They really discuss about the project, and Leeteuk also calmly responding to their question.

But the atmosphere changed when the important people began drinking soju. The more they get drunk, the more they blabber gibberish.

“Leeteuk-ssi.. why are you rejecting my drink?? Here, let’s dwink more!”Mr. Park insisted to sit beside Leeteuk, who was still sober.

“Ahh, sorry, I don’t really like to drink alcohol..” Leeteuk had a hard time rejecting all of their alcohol offers, he already drank more than enough.

“Mr. Park, you already got so drunk, you better stop or you may even mistaking passerby as your wife” one of his subordinate joked, being drunk himself.

“No wayy! Leeteuk-ssi is even more prettier than her! I won’t mistake him”

Heechul shivered. His feeling is really not good.

“Hey, let’s go home and left them” Heechul whispered to Leeteuk.

“I can’t, it’s not polite to go.. You can go first though, I will go later”

“Ughh, no I will stay here with you”

What’s with these baldies trying to flirt with Leeteuk?? They didn’t dare to flirt at Heechul, though, since he has a fierce and rebel image. Meanwhile Leeteuk was kind and sweet, so he just stayed silent hearing pickup lines from those old people. And Leeteuk is sick he should be resting at home not spending his time with these toxics people!

He can’t count how many times Mr. Park try to touch Leeteuk by his hands od his shoulder, but he managed to evade some of them. Heehul can’t stop glaring at the oldies, but since they were too drunk, thay paid him no mind and keep having fun with Leeteuk, who looks so tired entertaining them.

But not even once, did Leeteuk glance asking for help from Heechul.

_What the hell! If you only just said the word, help me, I would gladly kick them all for you! Maybe I should act like my legs hurt and need him for to accompany me to the hospital? Hey, that’s a nice idea-- _

“Handsome and nice body~ It’s nice being young” Mr. Park’s voice distracted Heechul from his thought. He was back again harassing Leeteuk.

“Ah, no, I’m not young anyore, I’m already—“

“Ohhh, what’s this!”

Drunken Mr.park patted Leeteuk’s pants while smirking.

“You go to gym? That’s why your thighs are.. excellent”

“Wha—“

The other producers are laughing and even joking that they want to touch it too. Is it only Heechul who noticed this freaky behaviour?

_They were groping Leeteuk in front of me??_

_I can’ tolerate this anymore! Arghhhhhhhhh!!! How dare he!!_

_This is it!! I’m going to turn into a gangster now!!_

_I don’t care if Teukkie got mad at me!!_

“Hey you--!!” Heechul stood up from his seat, when..

“Mister, can you not touch him like that?”

Eunhyuk suddenly appear before them and grabbing Mr. Park’s arm, preventing him from touching Leeteuk further.

“Eunhyuk??”

_Why is he here?_

Eunhyuk throw Mr. Park’s arm, and hold Leeteuk’s shoulder, smiling.

“Sorry I’m late, I finished my magazine interview first and came here quickly. Thank god you guys haven’t left” he turned to Mr. Park and the poeple there. “Let me in, too. I’m also a producer!”

The gang of important people are still confused by his sudden appearance, so they can’t really respond to Eunhyuk’s request.

“But it seems you guys are already drunk for a serious discussion? You are groping our hyung, after all.. maybe we should postpone the meeting?”

Realizing that Eunhyuk sarcastically pointed it to him, Mr. Park tuned red from both embarassment and anger. But he can’t really let Eunhyuk tarnish his name by telling people about this.

“Ye.. yeah, You're right, I can’t think straight..”

A 'pretend nothing happened' card, was finally decided.

.

.

.

They ended their dinner session and parted. Leeteuk, Heechul and Eunhyuk waved their goodbye to the men who went away with their car. When suddenly, Leeteuk slapped Eunhyuk’s head.

“Ouch! What was that for, hyung?”

“That’s kinda rude, you know! Since they’re our producer and sponsor and older than us”

“Bu.. but he!!”

“But well.. thank you” Leeteuk sighed. “I was actually scared.. and uncomfortable.. with that sexual harrassmment.. but I can’t do anything since they could cancel our project anytime.. I don’t want to mess things up”

Leeteuk began to smile and patted Eunhyuk’s head sweetly.

“But they don’t seem that mad so I was relieved. Thanks anyway..”

“Yeah! I f you’re not coming, I would actually kicked them myself!”Heechul suddenly burst out, kicking around since he’s so mad. He wanted to protect Leeteuk but he was too late in doing it.

“Heechul, that would bring more trouble to us.. you’re too crazy..”

The three of them laughed at that statement. Heechul shouting at everyone with his quick wit is funny, but his crazy and petty side is a fact everyone knows.

“Ahh, my car has come to pick me up.. you guys are bringing your own car today, right? See you later”

“Hyung! If they bother you again you have to tell us okay!”

“Yah! You better rest up at home! Don’t get sick!”

Leeteuk just smiled and gone leaving the two of them waving.

Heechul sighed again, and turned to Eunhyuk who is beside him.

“That was nice kid. Thanks"

“Yeah, thank goodness I came. You’re useless hyung”

“What did you say brat—“

“Sorry I was late, though, mine came when I was in the middle of my interview”

“Huh?” _What did he say again? _“What do you mean..”

.

“The letter. I got one too”

.

“Just like you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it takes me so long to write this chapter! I was really busy~~ So this chapter might be a bit rushed.  
Mr. Park is just an OC, I hope there's no Mr. Park in real life..  
Anyway SJ Returns really gave me a lot of teukchul content so it gave me power to continue writing haha I hope there'll be more in the future!  
Also thank you for you guys who read and comment on this fic, sorry I never reply to comment since idk what to say but just know that I'm happy someone like this story ^^  
(I still haven't plot the next chapter yet so I can't give you any spoiler now)


	5. I Want to Protect Him

_Dear my idiot self. _

_Whatever happen, you have to protect Teukie hyung from that Mr.Park producer!_

_I was actually having a job that day, but I’m the last one in the room. When they asked hyung to go with them.. I see hyung glanced at me, like asking me to help him, come with him.. _

_But I.. I ignored his sign of asking for help , thinking he could handle all of that alone.._

_He was our leader after all!_

_He never says anything about his problem to us, and that was the first time he looked like he needed help, so I didn’t know what to do._

_I just said my greetings and left them, since I have my job after all._

_Please, just ditch the job and save hyung._

_This was the worst thing I ever do in all my life.._

_Recently.. I just know that the producer had been harassing him sexually, an even threatening him to sleep with them.._

_Leeteuk hyung is handsome and has a nice body after all.. but he is weak.._

_I didn’t know the details.. but maybe they were forcing him multiple times.. so the project could go right. They were very powerful people, and even though we’re veteran in the industry, we’re that powerless.._

_But now I think about it, we can survive even without those bastard!_

_I won’t mind losing my career if Hyung can live happily!_

_He did it, sacrificing himself for the sake of the group.. without telling us anything.._

_I think he committed suicide because of this.._

_Whatever happens, please save him right at the beginning!_

_Oh, yeah, one more thing_

_Heechul hyung, he--_

.

.

.

“I’m gonna kill those guys..” Heechul murmured to himself after Eunhyuk told him about how Leeteuk being harassed in his letter.

“Wait, hyung! If you do that, all of this is pointless! Since I warded them off, they should stay low for a while.. We just have to guard hyung so it won’t happen again..”

“Tch! So disgusting! How can they do that to Teukkie! I got so mad when they touch his thighs ugh! Ahhhhh!!! I really hate them!! I’ll make them pay!!” Heechul kicked the empty air around him crazily since he got so mad.

“Yeah, you must be jealous seeing that”

_Je—what??? _

“What!? No.. I’m--”

“My letters said to help you save Leeteuk hyung”

“Me?’

“Since he know you love Teukkie hyung the most, and the only one who maybe could save him..” Eunhyuk smiled sadly. “He wished you two could be happy together”

“Wha..I’m.. his best friend okay, I don’t..”Heechul lost his words. What if his future self really loves Leeteuk that way?

“Kekeke, whatever you say, hyung.. Anyway, now that I know that you’re receiving the same letter too, I feel relieved..”

“You should have told me from the start! When did you first receive it?”

“A long time ago, actually.. when we had our party..”

“Wait, me too! So it’s not just me?”

“Yeah, at that time I was really confused, the letter said to not give you a seat beside Donghae, and make sure to kick you if you came close to Teukie hyung, since I have to make sure you won’t talk to him.. of course I wouldn’t do something that mean to hyung! But he said you two grew apart after that night you two talked, so..”

“You’re really an idiot, huh.. to think of something so extreme.. Well I.. actually he asked me to replace him as an MC, the letter said to say yes to whatever he asked me for, but I rejected him because I was tired.. in th end he can’t be with Shimkoong in its last breath.. the letter warned me to accept it but I still refused to do it..”

“Is that so? Maybe my future self didn’t know of what you’re talking about and think that you fought.. Well, the next day the letter told me to go to Teukkie hyung’s house since in the past the future me also came but Teukkie hyung won’t open the door. My future self told me to make sure I can go in and comfort hung, I even prepared tools to break in,but I got surprised because..”

Eunhyuk stared at Heechul with mysterious gazes.

“Hyung, I saw you there. Hugging Teukkie hyung on the front door. That’s definitely not in the letter. That’s why I realized you’re also like me, or the past changes.. and then another letter came and told me I have to help you changing the past, erasing all of our regret”

“Y-you saw that?” a pink blush appeared on Heechul’s cheeks.

“Hahah don’t worry I never told anyone about it, I know hyungs are shy.. But I never got another letter after that, until I got it just now, so I ditched my job and came straight here.. I’m so relieved.. I made it to help him..”

“Wait.. that means we solved another one of our regret!” Heechul jumped upon realizing something. “If the current events changed, I wonder if the future will also change..”

“I also don’t know.. Wait, another? Hyung, what else did your letter said?”

“Uh.. I rambled a lot but he said about the time Shimkoong died, which I ignored too like you. And then a..”

“What?” Eunhyuk raised his eyebrow.

Heechul got embarrassed. “Da-date.. the date. My future self got asked to go on a date by Teukkie but he rejected it and promise to go on another time, but Teukkie died so.. we never went on one.”

“OH! Ohh, that’s why you guys went on a date? Well, I was more surprised that you didn’t confess, I thought your regret is never confessing your love to hyung”

“What!? Why are you teasing me again!”

“I’m not. You should really take him on more dates,” the younger protested.

“Shut up,” Heechul got embarrassed again thinking if he is brave enough to ask for a second date. “But really, it’s nice that I got a partner in this.. we should protect Teukkie together”

“Yeah.. but hyung, what should we do now? My letter rarely came, did yours say anything?”

“Not yet.. I keep checking my pockets now but still no new letter inside”

“Let’s just wait and keep watch then”

.

.

.

“You are weird lately” Donghae said at the backstage of DnE concert.

“Weird? Like what?” Eunhyuk is still fiddling with his phone. It’s been three days and Heechul and him haven’t got another letter. It kinda makes them nervous, but at the same time, relieved that nothing big happens.

“You escaped from that photoshoot job back then. And you and Heechul hyung keep checking where Leeteuk hyung is every one hour.. Why are you even asking about hyung’s schedule on the group chat without him, just ask him directly”

“Uhhh isn’t it normal? I’m worried about Teuk hyung since he’s lonely because he lost Shimkoong” Eunhyuk decided to keep it a secret from Donghae about the letter and those producers. He may be his best friend, but he can’t really keep secrets and too honest for their goods.

“Oh, you’re right. He always looks calm and happy infont of us on meeting tho..“ Donghae sulked, imagining his hyung who’s always taking care of him like a father figure.

“Hey Donghae”

“Yeah?”

“Did you.. receive a letter?”

“What letter? From fans?”

“..Nah, nothing, just forget it” _So it’s just me and Heechul hyung.. Donghae is gullible so I shouldn’t drag him into this mess._

“What? What is it? See you’re being weird! Are you keeping something from me?”

“No, no.. well..” It’s hard if Donghae is being this childish to get what he wants. “I just read this story from internet, it’s kinda random, but.. what if.. you receive a letter from your future self telling you that your important person will die in the future?”

“Huh? I don’t understand..”

“Like, for example, what if you suddenly receive a letter from yourself 5 years letter, telling you that in the future I was dead?”

“Whatt! That’s terrible! Then I would do anything at any cost to protect you!”

“But what if.. I died.. because of you?”

“I..” Donghae stopped, thinking hard. Having your best friend die is the worst, but he is the cause? Donghae’s mind is too simple to search for a philosophic answer. “I may not forgvie myself. But.. The only thing I ca do is just.. I will make sure it won’t happen, again..”

“Yeah..”

Eunhyuk smiled, staring at spaces. “This time, I will definitely won’t make him die..”

.

.

.

_November 5, today Teukie was in rather good mood._

_We all gathered in the agency for the project, all went well._

_He said he really craves for burger when we met at the agency office and invited us all to eat with him, but we refused.. I remember Kyuhyun said he doesn’t want to eat with the worst oldies in the 2020 or something and we all laughed. I think he got really lonely because of the joke. His mood became dark though he smiles like usual._

_Please accept his invitation._

_After this little by little he never sent message in our group chat again.._

_It was his outlet for all his problems, and he’s back to keep it himself.._

_Maybe he thought we hated him.._

.

.

Heechul was humming after he got the burger the manager have bought for him while he was having his makeup done by the Kims.

Since the letter said to eat burger with Leeteuk, might as well brought him one right? _I’m like an understanding boyfriend!_ Heechul though proudly. _And I will kick that dirty-mouthed brat before he could talk bad about Teukie!_

It was scary, though. That those simple jokes could lead to something bigger in the future. Heechul actually never really eat with Leeteuk again if not in the shooting place, so it might feel reallllyyy awkward.But there are other kids too, and he would threaten the all to eat his burgers.

But he hopes Leeteuk will be happy with the burgers. He kept imagining Leeteuk’s smile with his cute dimple if he know Heechul bought him one.

Suddenly his mobile phone rang. It was a phone call from Eunhyuk.

Heechul have told Eunhyuk about the letter he received this morning, and his strategy about it, so maybe he called to make sure.

“Hey, what’s up? Just like I told you, I bought the burger. You have to make sure his mod is okay, right?’

“Hyung it’s no time for that! I think the past is changed because of us.. go read the news headline!”

The sound from the other side of the line sounded so panicked that Heechul’s face turned sour.

.

.

.

“WHAT IS THIS!?”

Heechul almost throw his phone since reading the news disgusted him.

_‘The leader of Super Junior, Leeteuk is caught going to the hotel with a higher up government officials’_

_The leader was caught in the pic dragged (or holding hands?) with an older man who we identify as a government official with a high position to a love hotel. The officials were already suspected for corruption,is this connected to the case? Is this the reason why Super Junior got so many projects? The leader work hard so the group got job? Or this is only an affair?_

Though it was just full of assumptions, the news outllet really did show a clear picture of an old man in a dark suit, dragging the poor Leeteuk (though he wears cap and scarf around his necks as a way to conceal himself, in front of a love hotel.

Of course Heechul knew him right away.

Mr. Park

That bastard.

“I’ll really kill him this time” He gripped his phone tightly, trying to contain his anger.

.

.

.

“Teukie!!”

Heechul almost ran to Leeteuk who just came out from the President's office. When Heechul arrived at the agency, he heard that Leeteuk was instantly summoned and held there for hours after the news breaks out. The rest of the team have to wait in the meeting room, but Heechul and Euhyuk insisted to wait near the President room so they would know when Leeteuk’s out.

(Not to mention they actually wanted to eavesdrop what their agency president told Leeteuk, tho, but their manager was told to observe them strictly not to get close)

“Heechul? Eunhyuk?”

Leeteuk’s eyes were red, like he was just crying. But he acted like he was fine.

“What did they say!? You’re okay, right?? What actually happened?” Heechul bombarded him with question as he gripped Leeteuk’s shoulder. Eunhyuk just stood worriedly behind him. He couldn’t interrupt his two hyungs after all.

“Well.. The project is cancelled now because of me”

“Oh fuck the project! That bastard pervert! Did he do something to you?”

“He actually invited me to a dinner to talk about the project so I accepted.. but when we got home he suddenly ask me to accompany him somewhere.. he literally dragged me to that hotel, but I remember you guys’ warnings and got so freaked out so I ran away before we can get in..”

Leeteuk smiled sadly, he patted Heechul’s hands to tone down his friend’s anger.

“Turns out he was already targeted by media so they took our pic and.. I got dragged into this trouble too.. Though they wrote it with too many exaggeration.. So the management will sue them for making the news without consulting us about the truth first. We also decided to cover the harassment and would just said it’s because he was drunk. Because it’s mostly their problem they will not fine us, but the project have to be canceled. Everything will be okay. So.. I will stay low for a while, I guess”

“Ya! I already told you if he asked you out again you have to tell me or Eunhyuk!! So I can protect you! Why you went to dinner with him! Now you got into a mess!!”

“What’s this suddenly? I never asked to be protected by you in the first place”, Now Leeteuk’s face looks like he’s annoyed more than sad.

“What do you mean!? I want to protect you so you won’t get into trouble like this!!”

“Well sorry for being a troublemaker, then. I can protect myself alright”

“Hey! I do this because I care about you!”

“Hyungs, you two, calm down.. this is still near the President’s office..” Eunhyuk tried to calm the two down but they just treat him like empty air. If the two oldest already argued like this, nobody, even the members, management or managers, would dare to say something. So he chose to stay silent too.

“...stop it”

“Huh?”

“Just stop acting like you care!! You just acted sweet lately because you felt guilty about Koongie right? Told you? I wrote a message about it in the group chat, ‘hey this person called me to meet up, what do you think?’ And nobody even replied to it! You didn’t even read it so why you act like you care and now blaming me?”

Heechul and Eunhyuk were busy so they doesn’t really paid attention to the chat. Since it was mostly full of random chat. So what Leetuk said really throw them into a panic.

“Wha.. I’m sorry I didn’t read it but I do care about you!” Heechul was still fuming though he knew he was in the wrong. “I told you many times it’s not because of the guilt! You! You should told me by person, not chat! I rarely open the group chat so I wouldn’t know!”

Leeteuk just sighed, though he looked angry.

“Yeah, fine. It’s all my fault. I’m the leader anyway. Guys, I’m sorry if I tarnished the group’s name even for a hoax. I think the hate comment will increase even though we release the statement if that’s not true..”

“Wait, thats not what I mean--”

“And Heechul. I did call you when I ran from that producer. But you never answer, so.. I thought maybe you’re too busy having fun at night?”

Heechul stayed silent. He can’t argue back. He didn’t even realize it. Could it be when he was having party with some of his show’s casts and got drunk?

“I can take care of my problem myself, don’t worry. Just work hard. Thanks guys”

“Hey, wait!!”

“I don’t need your help or your fake caring about me”

“Arggh why are you so stubborn!”

“Hyung it’s because you got angry at him!”

“.....”

And then Leeteuk left. Leaving Heechul who hated himself more now. And Eunhyuk who was really worried about this since it was not written in their letters. The future changes, but not in the way they wanted.

The burgers were left forgotten, long cold.

.

.

.

_Oh, yeah, one more thing_

_Heechul hyung is the one who drive Teukkie hyung to kill himself._

_As much as I know he love hyung and want them to be together, I still don’t trust him._

_Please keep an eye on Heechul hyung._

_If the worst come.._

_Don’t let the two get near each other_

.

Eunhyuk stared at the leaving Leeteuk and the fuming Heechul.

'But I saw him hugging Teukie hyung and the date..'

'So it should be alright.. right?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm sorry for disappearing long, I was taking a long vacation and got sick when I got home lol.  
I'm so happy that many comments are encouraging me to continue this fic.  
And the amount of Teukchul/Heeteuk we get lately is.. aaaaaaaaaaa!! I'm soft! I need more!  
So, I write this in a rush today since I'm still in the mood, hehe. Sorry if it was messy or the plot is weird~


	6. The Things that Got Away

_ Leeteuk panted hard as he finally got away from Mr. Park and that ridiculously “shabby” love hotel. _

_ He leaned on some closed store’s walls, trying to calm himself. _

_ The dinner went on good, they went on some high-class restaurant so Mr. Park didn’t grope him like the previous meeting. Leeteuk was happy that everything went on smoothly, they really discussed about their project, so he’s letting his guard down. That is until Mr. Park pretended to be drunk on those low-alcohol wine they had, and pulled his hand to some unknown street nearby the restaurant, as he kept saying “I need to get sober, let’s rest for a bit”, instead of directly going in his luxury car and went home. _

_ Leeteuk was witty, he never got fooled by trick and lies. But Mr. Park was so persistent even though he rejected him softly, trying not to seem rude to the older person. _

_ Leeteuk almost lost his breath when he realized their destination is a suspicious building that from the neon lights and sign, is definitely a love hotel. _

_ They were already in front of the gate, as Mr. park kept pulling him in, when Leeteuk finally had the strength to stand still. He didn’t want to go in. He’s scared for his life. _

_ So, not knowing what to do, his hands instantly yanked away from the older man and his legs unconsciously running back to the opposite direction. He mumbled something like “Excuse me I have to go home”, but he didn’t know if Mr. park heard him or not, as he tried to quickly get away from there, not looking back at all. _

_ Now that he’s safe and waiting for some taxi to pass by, he’s still shivering. It still scare him a lot. And more importantly, what would Mr.Park said to the higher ups? Would the project be canceled because he rejected him? Will it affect Super Junior and his company? _

_ “Heechul..” _

_ Suddenly his same age slightly younger friend appeared in his mind. He doesn’t know why, but he recently feels safe with Heechul.  _

_ He quickly called Heechul. Leeteuk needs someone right now, someone to erase his fear. _

_ But Heechul never answered. _

_ He actually answered in the third attempt, but there’s no reply and only the sound of people partying hard, people laughing.. and Heechul’s laughing voice too. Maybe he was too drunk and he didn’t realize he answered his call..  _

_ “What’s this? Sorry I’m busy now call you later okay?” Heechul finally said to his phone, slurred as he was too drunk and cut his call coldly. _

_ It was a hard slap to Leeteuk. _

_ To Heechul, he was just like the others. Just a leader from the same group he cared about. He was not a priority. _

_ Heechul just hanging out and helping him when he felt like it, because he was kind. _

_ He was no one at all. _

_ “I’m used to it.. but..” _

_ “Just like I thought, I shouldn’t have trusted you..” _

.

.

.

Eunhyuk: Teukie hyung really haven’t appear for two days...

Yesung: Is it because he’s fighting with Heechul hyung?

Donghae: The continuation of Incheon Battle kkkk

Siwon: Yah it’s not funny! Teukkie hyung must be stressed too because of the article! 

Siwon: He’s also still sad because of Shimkoong’s passing!

Shindong: They released a statement already, though

Shindong: Hyung still doing his jobs, he appear on many shows

Kyuhyun: It’s still kinda weird that we don’t get any notif from that Leetalk groupchat tho

Kyuhyun: Since usually we have so many notifs from hyung..

Siwon: I tried to call him but he didn’t answer..

Siwon: I’m really worried

Donghae: Yah Heechul-hyung do something!

Yesung: That’s right, what should we do without our leader!

Heechul: Shut up brat!! Do you know how many times I chat him and apologized! And I got nothing!

Kyuhyun: Then that’s it,hyung

Kyuhyun: You’re dead

.

.

.

“Am I really that pathetic?”

Leeteuk stared at the view through his window while sitting on his sofa. He was having some rest after a show recording. Usually when Shimkoong was still there with him, he would spent his time happily playing and giving bath to Koongie. But since he’s truly alone now, he doesn’t know what to do, his mind keep turning negative. He felt ashamed that he got mad like that to Heechul who was just worried, but his feelings felt so heavy. 

It was so foolish for him to think that Heechul would suddenly became so caring, so kind to him recently.. that he would unconsciously think Heechul can comfort him when he felt so lost and scared at Mr. Park incident.

Heechul was just feeling guilty. And when he felt enough, he will leave.

Whenever Heechul came across Leeteuk who was having a hard time, like their famous battle, or their psychology session, Heechul would be so concerned with him. But after that, he would return to be the same Heechul who was busy with his own life, doing many variety show and hanging out with friends since he has so many people surrounding him.

Not like Leeteuk.

He gazed over to his phone. All of the members trying to contact him many times, but he ignore them.

“I don’t want to talk to them right now..”

The kids are good kids. They are nice and kind. They’re adult now, but to Leeteuk they’re still those little child he needs to protect.

“I shouldn’t be like this.. If I’m weak, the children will be lost too..”

He knows when he poured all his feelings and problems in the group chat, the kids feel uncomfortable and don’t know what to respond to him. He should be the one to solve their problems as a leader. They are also busy with his life, and if they have to hang out with a hyung, they would prefer it with easy-going Heechul instead. Not a nagging and boring person like him. Yes, not just the members, but all people do.

It always feels so lonely for him.

“I’m so tired...”

.

.

“Ahhhhh so annoying!!” Heechul throw his phone to the table in front of him, frustated that Leeteuk only read his thirty seventh chats since he got mad at Heechul two days ago. He also won’t answer his calls (and it was such a rare event that Heechul calls, since he’s originally not the type to call someone! Except there’s emergency.. like this, if considering Leeteuk sulking is emergency)

“He’s so dumb and hardheaded! He doesn’t want to listen to my reason at all!”

“Well.. it’s also my fault for not answering his calls.. I was dead drunk at that dinner.. Damn, Heechul you’re such an idiot!”

“You two are at fault. Why don’t you apologize to him face to face like a man you are?” Eunhyuk who was sitting in front of Heechul only sighed watching his hyung getting angry by himself. Thank goodness they’re hanging at a private room seating on SM’s restaurants now, so fans couldn’t see his hyung pouting while cursing like a mad man.

“Shut up, I’m scared I’ll mess up again,okay!”

“Because of you, he’s even avoiding me now.. You really mess up, both the future and current you”, after saying that, Eunhyuk instantly covers his mouth. He can’t let his hyung know that in the future, Heechul was..

But fortunately Heechul didn’t realize it and keep complaining on his own.

“Ugh! Why do we even change the future for if it became this way?”

“Hyung!! At least we kick that pervert producer away!! Listen, Teukie hyung is so forgiving, okay? You just need to apologize to him. This isn’t like Incheon once again, right?”

“I already apologized!! Though through messages..”

Both of them sighed.

The past that was told by those letters changed except for one thing.

Leeteuk rarely appear anymore in the group chat.

That’s the only thing in the letter that came true, of all things.

And the next letter hasn’t come, so, they are stuck about what to do to fix this situation.

.

.

“Hyungs, you’re here? What are you doing?”

Kyuhyun’s voice surprised them. Kyuhyun peeked from the door leading to their private room. 

“Yah! You scared us.. How about you? What are you doing here, brat?”

“I was just having a business with the agency.. Hmm, instead of moping around here, you should go visit Teukie hyung and apologize to him directly, you know”

“Not you too! Arghh, if I go to him now and we face each other, he will just get mad at me again, because I’m a terrible talker, and the things will turn worse!”

“Hyung! You’re Korea’s best variety MC, how come you are a bad talker!”

Kyuhyun leaning his shoulder to the door, judging his sulking-but-also-looks-afraid hyung. He knows the only thing that hinders Heechul’s way to face Leeteuk directly is just his pride and fear to hurt the man he loves.. Oh, well, Heechul got a hots for Leeteuk, everyone in Suju know that already. Despite being the oldest, the two looks so childish in their kid’s eyes.. especially with the awkward tension between them. Now, whatever their relationship is, even if the love turn out to be just a highschool crush and gone, Khyuhyun at least hope the two are in good term as they are the pilar of the group.

“Whatever! I don’t care anymore!”

“Hyung!!” Eunhyuk whimpers. The older is really hard-headed.

_ Well, if it’s gonna be like this, why not? Maybe if Heechul leaves from Leeteuls’ life, the later will be happy instead, and he won’t commit suicide, yeayy, the letter won’t come true. At least they manage to drive away that perverted producer, though Heechul still regret not kicking that perv in the groin.. _

“I see..” Kyuhyun’s face turned serious. “Well, if hyung doesn’t care anymore too, then our group will disband, I think?”

“Hey!! What are you talking about, brat!!”

_ Even if me and Leeteuk become enemies, that one is a thing that will never ever happen!! _

“Actually this is supposed to be a secret.. Siwon called me.. he’s going to Teukie hyung’s house right now, he said he would quit from the group if things keep going like this”

“WHAT!!?” Heechul and Eunhyuk gasped at this coming information in the same time.

“Yah, that bastard, why don’t you stop him?? If he face Teukie and say something like that in these situations.. it will only make Teukie angrier and hit him in the face!!” Heechul walks toward Kyuhyun and shouted right in front of his face. “And to Teukie, these kind of things are not jokes!! It will hurt him so much.. he’s already so tired right now..”

“But you said you don’t care anymore, right, hyung? So it’s none of your business if Teukie hyung is angry at Siwon, or get hurt, right?”

“That! That was just..”

_ No way I can’t not care about Jungsoo!! But.. my pride.. _

.

.

A big thump sound bring Heechul back to the reality. And now that he think about it.. his cheek feels kinda..hurt?

Oh, it stings

Dammit, Eunhyuk slapped him!!

“Yah!! Why are you slapping your me!??”

“How can you give up just like this? Don’t you want to save Teukkie hyung??”

“How can I save him when he doesn’t even want to be saved??”

“......”

“Hyuk?”

“Is that so? I see, I’ll just save him myself, then”

“You get another letter?”

“No, but I can try helping him without the letter. I’m not like you..” Eunhyuk’s eyes got teary. “I WANT TO SAVE HYUNG BECAUSE HE IS PRECIOUS TO ME! EVEN IF HE WANTS IT OR NOT!” 

_ Precious.. to me.. _

“He is also very precious to you right, hyung? You love him..”

“......”

“Hyung..”

“Shut up!!” Heechul turned his back to the two kids and quit the room, looking very enraged. “If he doesn’t forgive me this time, I will really not care!! I’m tired of making mistakes!!”

“It’s okay if we make one, you only need to care about him, he needs you..” Eunhyuk smiles behind him.

Heechul huffed, he thumped loudly and shouted to his manager to bring the car quickly, leaving Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun alone in the room. 

“That was a lie, right? There’s no way Siwon would do something like that to hyung”

“Of course. And Heechul hyung usually always realizes it since he’s witty, but love can turns people into a fool, I guess..” Kyuhyun giggled. “Your acting is flawless, too, with those bitchslap and teary eye”

“I watched too many drama, I think”

The two chuckled at each other.

“But really, thank you, that help that idiot hyung to finally get a grip on himself”

“Treat me to a wine as a thanks, then” Kyuhyun laugh as he sit at the chair. “ Hmm? What is this? Heechul hyung forgot his coat? Who wears tracksuit with a coat anyway?”

Kyuhyun lift Heechul’s coat, that was left just like that beside the chair he sat on. When he tried to dust off the coat, a small paper took his interest.

“Oh? Something fell off from the pocket?”

“That’s!!!”

Khyuhyun read the paper before Eunhyuk could even grab it from him. Kyuhyun’s face can’t hide that he’s really shocked right now, and Eunhyuk could only wonder what is the content of this new letter they’ve been waiting for, but came at the wrong time.

“Hyung.. what is this?”

Eunhyuk didn’t know what to answer. His junior is the smartest of them all, so he will see through him, so it’s pointless if he lie. His mouth keep opening and closing, finding the right word to explain.

“Wait. I know you’ve been up to something with Heechul hyung as you guys always whispering secret to each other, so I may had an idea, but… if after I read this letter.. hyung, this is bad”

“Huh?Why?”

“Hyung, I actually didn’t lie before. Siwon really called me saying he’s going to Teukie’s hyung’s house… but to confess his feelings to hyung ”

“HE WHAT???”

.

.

.

Heechul’s legs that feels numb after he ran from parking lot to the front of Leeteuk’s room suddenly can’t feel anything.

In a second, the world feels like stopping, and everything turns into slow motion.

He almost got there, he only just need to turn in the corner of the corridor.

But..

In front of him, there was Siwon who hugged Leeteuk tightly. He petted Leteeuk’s hair softly and caresses his tears with his thumb, full of love. Siwon’s back is on him, and he can see Leeteuk’s face clearly.

Siwon whispered something to Leeteuk’s ear, seems like something sweet as Leeteuk brightened up after hearing it, and smiled to him, with his dimple and tears still streamed down on his eyes.

Leeteuk was so pretty in Heechul’ eyes.

Except, that smile wasn’t for him, but Siwon.

And something weird happened to his heart.

It’s dazzling and warm, yet it hurts.

.

.

.

_ 9 November, how are you doing? I hope you managed to erase many of my regrets. _

_ I hope the Teukie in your world wouldn’t die as he find happiness with you. _

_ Now that I remember, today is the day I fell in love with Jungsoo. _

_ At that time, since we knew each other for more almost twenty years already, I didn’t realize that I could have those feelings. _

_ It’s really weird, really. _

_ It’s the same as always, but _

_ When I see Teuk’s smile and dimples that day _

_ Suddenly, something struck me hard and erasing all of my twenty years of awkwardness with him. _

_ I wish I could realize it sooner. _

_ The past me, if you’re reading this.  _

_ If Leeteuk dan Siwon started dating, what would you do? _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! It's been so long since I updated this fic..  
Mostly because I'm busy, but nearing the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020 there were many things happened to Leeteuk and Heechul, and I thought that writing this kind of gloomy story in those kinda real mood will just turn things sour and like praying for more bad things to happen.  
But now that they looks happier than before, I think I can continue this again. This is just a fantasy, okay?  
As always, sorry if it's seem rushed since I think I got sloppy at writing haha.  
Btw I haven't decided how this story will turn out in the end, so it may can have a good or bad ending lol but uh.. maybe I need at least 5 more chapters?  
What do you think of Leeteuk's POV and Siwon's sudden entrance?lol

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This story is deeply inspired by a shoujo manga titled Orange written by Takano Ichigo.  
Sorry that the story is dark, but I promise I will insert some fluffy things in the middle too.  
I will try to update this story weekly! (Not a promise since I tend to get bored and make unfnished story)


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